Thoughts on January

In years past, I think I have unconsciously dreaded January. When it first starts getting cold here in October, it is exciting because there is the whole holiday season to look forward to with all it's cheer and preparations and family time. It goes by fairly quickly, especially with all the events scheduled. However, at least in my mind, there is this looming shadow of "January, February, and March" in the distance. January especially seems dark, cold, and just plain boring. This year I have determined to look at it a different way.

January is a time when things seem to be dead in the natural. At least in this area of the world, there is nothing green. It is cold, and often covered in ice. Morning after morning we go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. Ice on the windshield every morning is the constant greeting. There is no emotional "pick me up" to temporarily prop up our vitamin D deprived bodies. Finances are generally tight due to the holiday frenzy only weeks before, and the day in and day out drudge seems like a death sentence.

However, this year as I was examining my heart, I found a little green sprout of joy. At least that is what I think it is. It can't be explained any other way. Yes, in my mind, I always "know" that winter will come to an end, both the natural and in the spiritual. But this is different. This is an expectation that I can't understand with my intellect. It is deposit of something fuller that I know is coming. January looks dead and cold. But deep under the earth, there is life and growth and expectation. I love January. It is an exercise of character. When all seems dull and boring and there is no emotional fluff to keep us afloat, that is when our true heart is revealed and we see if we are truly rooted and grounded in love. We develop deep foundations as we walk out the process of life and godliness even when no one sees.

I am so thankful for January seasons. I pray that the hopes and dreams and purposes that seem dead would produce much fruit as they are tended to, even in the darkness and cold, by the Author and Perfector of our faith.

Here and Now

I love updating my blog...can't tell by looking at it right now though. I haven't written anything since Novemeber? That can't be! How did that happen? O well, here I am again anyway :-)

Back to school tomorrow. Second half of Anatomy and Physiology. I am also taking an online Pyscholgy class and finishing the online Algebra class.

Came through last semester with a 4.0. People keep saying that I must be really smart, but I think it has more to do with working really hard. I know in my mind that grades aren't really that important, but I really want to do well and put forth my best work. If I get less than an A, I know that I could have done better. I often wish that I could just not care what I get, seems that the people who do that have more fun. Anyways, I think maybe that is just who I am. I like school and I like learning and I do well in a classroom. I might as well excel at what I do well and not compare myself with other's expectations, or lack of.

A year ago, I was planning a trip to Rochester, MN for a job interview. I was leaving Blackfoot. I was leaving Idaho. I was trying to obey what I felt the Lord was prompting me to do. But I am here. I was offered the job, and for more than I make now. But the Lord told me not to take the job. That doesn't make sense. Why go through all that - the applying for jobs, the Minnesota nursing license, the plane ticket, the hotel rooms, the rental cars, the cold of Rochester, the turmoil of telling my boss that I was leaving...not sure where, but I was leaving.

And I am here. "This is the way, walk in it". The illuminated letters above the door option called "Blackfoot". But why Lord? I thought I was on another adventure with You? I thought we were going somewhere and you were opening NEW doors for me to walk through. You said Blackfoot was too small for me. But nevertheless, I want to obey you. Not only obey you, but trust you, even if I am not hearing you right. Trust you to lead me because my heart is yours.

So here I am. Location is not the point. Proximity to large populations is not important. Living in the Kingdom is the focus. Blackfoot may be too small, but when I am seeing with the eyes of my spirit and living before the Lord, physical location is unimportant to Him. If I can cultivate a heart that is His and His alone, the world is at my door step. He can take me where He wants me, and bring people to me for His Kingdom purposes.

I am happy to be here. I love school. I love my job and people I work with. I find little things every day that bring joy to my heart. I like who I am becoming. I think that God is doing a good work in me and He will get what He deserves from me.

So here I am, living not in regret or disappointment, but in thankfulness and expectation. Here and Now, for the glory of God...