Life at BMC

Welcome to another aspect of my life - BMC. I spend the majority of my daylight hours there, (and many of my sleeping hours are spent awake wondering if I remembered to do all that I needed to that day). I have been working there for almost 5 years now! I remember when I first moved to this small town 10 years ago just out of high school and within just a few weeks I had to bring a child that I was babysitting into the clinic to get stitches. Little did I know that I would become a nurse and eventually be working there! Only by that time they had moved from a small building into a huge multifaceted facility at the entrance of town.

I am so thankful for my job. As I was looking through one of my old journals from years ago, I ran across a page were I had written down several things that I wanted in a job. One of them was that I would enjoy going to work everyday. I can honestly say that at this point in my nursing career that I enjoy my job. It may not be what I want to be doing the rest of my life, but I enjoy the people that I work with and appreciate the friendships I have there. I work for and with some of the best doctors in the world. I have been so blessed by their willingness to let me globe trot over the years and they still welcome me back with open arms. Pretty amazing. Of course there are challenges, but my "people skills" are gradually improving and I attribute a good portion of that to day in and day out experience.

BMC has started a blog and I may contribute things to it here and there.

"Captivating"

Almost every night over the past few weeks, I have been reading a book entitled, "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. Generally I devour the books I read in long sittings, but I have had to chew on this one and just ingest a chapter or even a half a chapter at a time. Maybe because the issues that are addressed within this book lead me to a vulnerability level that requires a "processing time". I am only a little over half way through, but I hear the Lord speaking directly to specific issues and bringing understanding and encouragement.

This book reveals three core desires that God intentionally placed within women - the desire to be romanced and pursued, the desire to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure, and the desire to unveil beauty. Read an excerpt from the introduction:
"The message of Captivating is this: The longings God has written deep in your heart are telling you something essential about what is means to be a woman, and the life He meant for you to live...You can find that life-if you are willing to embark on a great adventure....Not to learn one more set of standards you fail to meet. Not toward a new set of rules to live by and things you ought to do. Something far, far better - a journey of the heart. A journey toward the restoration and release of the woman you always longed to be....(this book) is not about what you ought to do or who you ought to be. It's about discovering who you already are, as a woman. A woman who at her core was made for romance, made to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure, and who really does possess a beauty all her own to unveil."

Part of the chapter I read tonight was particularly articulating of the current and seemingly (unending?) season of my life - waiting. This was so encouraging: "As we increasingly become women of substance, women who offer true beauty, we find that our hearts grow in their capacity to love and be loved, to desire, to live. Our hearts are enlarged by Jesus. By that, we mean that we must be willing to be honest with Him and with ourselves about the true nature of our souls - our sorrows, our desires, our dreams, our fears, our deepest and scariest hopes. To invite Jesus to come and walk with us there....We do not always get what we want, but that doesn't mean that we no longer want...Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity in spirit. We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting (with Him) that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting doesn't diminish us. As a pregnant woman is enlarged in her waiting, so are our hearts. God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. He does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health. He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory."

Spoiled for the Ordinary

It is easy to be on an emotional high and graphically describe life when you are in a foreign country for a short period of time. Suddenly life takes on a new fascination, a deeper hue of color is seen from standing at a different angle. Even the dirt and bugs and cold showers come alive with purpose and manifestations of glory. You feel completely awed with the opportunity to experience life. However, once you are home, and the bags are unpacked, and the pictures have been oohhed and ahhed over, and the mundane of the familiar once again glares straight back into your face -the heart tends to make a nosedive unless you have made a proactive decision. I want to live for eternity one day at a time - embracing each moment as a gift from the Lord no matter how mundane and "unspiritual" it may seem. Knowing that if anything matters, everything matters. Living each day before the Lord, to His glory and satisfaction - whether I am holding HIV babies at an orphanage in Africa, or wheeling a patient out to their car, or scrubbing the church toilet for the zillionth time, or even sitting alone on my back porch believing the Lord for the desires He has put in my heart. I want my life to be poured out as worship to Him. I want the eyes to see in faith. I want to live with a fascinated heart, one that embraces life and is spoiled for the ordinary. I recently read a quote that seems to fit here: "When we look with eyes of faith, all the ground we walk on becomes holy ground, all the people and all the common sights and sounds and happenings become miracles." Herbert F. Brokering

And when I fail, and fall headlong into the nosedive - I want to run straight back into His loving arms.

"How He Loves Us"

Spring Cleaning

Ahhh, it's finally sorta warm. Might snow tomorrow, cause it is Idaho, but today has been a lovely 72 degrees. The slight tan I got in Uganda has suffered greatly this last week and probably won't have a chance to recover due to the forcasted amount of hours scheduled indoors at work. O well, as one friend pointed out, at least I HAD been in the tropics while she was still shoveling snow.....
Anyways, I love spring cleaning. I look forward to it all winter - opening the windows and doors so the fresh air can permeate every corner of the apartment, moving the furniture to vacuum up all the hibernating dust bunnies, even rearranging the closet so the short sleeve shirts are within closer reach (the long johns are still at the forefront cause ya never know til at least July.) I didn't get every thing done, but I did feel satisfied with the day.
However, I hesitated to completely unpack my suitcase from the trip. Yes, I have been home for over a week, but I haven't completely adjusted to being back. I didn't want my time in Uganda to be written in disappearing ink. I wanted the reality of the people and that place to stick with me. Maybe keeping the bag partially packed was a tie to that reality. Nevertheless, the clothes are washed now and I received an email from Grace. (Hehe, I guess washing the dirt out didn't erase as much as I had subconsciously thought it might.) The reality is to stay in the love of God and continue in fellowship. Perfect love casts out fear, so there is no room to be afraid of "losing" what the Lord gave me in Uganda. "For I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day." 2 Tim 1:12

Jet Laggin

Being wide awake at 3am has its advantages. Its a great time to scrub the tub and mop the floor, but it doesn't allow for much motivation the rest of the day. I'm jetting lagging bad. Maybe I can keep my eyes open til 9....

Back Home

Hot showers are amazing! I had considered collecting all the red dust I was covered in and potting a pineapple or an avacodo tree, but somehow I don't think it would do well in this FREEZING cold. I was still covered in Uganda last night went I arrived home around midnight after 48 hours of traveling. I had a long layover in Amsterdam so I took the opportunity to take a tour through town. Holland is beautiful and the tulips and daffodils are just starting to bloom. It was kind of an overcast and rainy day in Amsterdam, but it was great to get out and walk and see the flowers, windmills, and lush green Dutch farmlands.

It is good to be home. I had to think twice before I brushed my teeth with fresh water flowing from the tap. I take so many little things for granted...